Superhero's an the Working time directive!

As dawn came up once more, pity, should've hit her a little harder, the dull grey light revealed a washed out scene reminiscent of a Polish post communist cat food commercial with all the sparkle of a wet weekend in Tinmouth. Undaunted by the description, Spiderbadger, in crime slaying garb, stepped out of his bolt hole an into the 1st, of his 4 shifts for the Penny pinching conglomerate that is........GIST.

Spiderbadger - Modern Tales

Dawns Grey mist clung steadfastly to the quaysides stone and steel. The air damp enough to make the coat stick to the hooded figures shoulders. A noise in the distance spoke of rumbling carriages, and bleary eyed passengers, rolling towards another day of toil and misery. From high above, a shrouded figure spread wide his caped arms, the moon light gleamed from the sheer body hugging Lycra jump/boiler suit (with the extra panel for the lurrrrrve handels). The apparition sniffed deep the air and turning to his companion declared, "well boy blunder, I've laddered these tights". So with a cough of uncertainty and embarrassment Spiderbadger returned to fight the unseen enemy which corrupts this once great Land, free the down trodden masses, and bring economical ladies under garments & hosiery to the nation & grubby market stall, every thursday, rain or shine.

Spiderbadger - The Lineage

Spiderbadger - The continuing saga......

With the battle to bring his Evil Nemesis Dr Ronald McDickhead to justice, our hero, realizing his abilities & resources would be stretched to breaking point enlisted the first of his trusty sidekicks, Dan AKA Physcho Skippy & the not so reliable but aptly named Simon AKA Sofasub.The battle had raged on the roof tops & in the loft spaces of Oxford, Kings Lynn, Bicester an more besides. Ever finding the foul miscreant would evade capture an leave a trail of human devastation an suffering plus polystyrene cartons an stench filled skips to blight the streets & gutters of good Towns and Cities across this fair Isle.

The final epic battle in this war would come to a tiny roof top, 2 miles out of a village in South Lincolnshire, rain lashed down an the thunder tore through the slate grey sky. Spiderbadger, cornered, alone but undaunted, would face his enemy, unbowed he laughed wildly an issued the now famous battle cry, "Stuff yer F**kin supersize Fries Ronald, I'm here for ya Filters". A great flash of lightning split the clouds, thunder, having been out done an upstaged, decided to push off to find a more appropriate setting an then........... Silence.

The mobile phone was vibrating, the buzz seemed defeaning after the near total void which had followed the storm, the man answered it, distant static a passing annoyance, the faraway voice, hard to make out, he strained to hear, uncertain if he'd caught the conversation correctly. "We've got it, we've got it." Came the announcement. "Got what" the man said, still unsure . The female speakers voice shrilled out again, "We've got it... ThePub you Divot." Realization, came as slowly as the weekend. They'd Got it!!!! The woman was speaking once more, calmer than before, "It means you can tell Dave your leaving an he'll have to find someone else to service Burtons an Topshops Air Con units. I'll be glad your not up any more ladders that's for sure". The man let this sink in, he was going to be leaving the Roof tops an walkways for a life behind bars....... could he adapt? Could he cope with the pleasantries an subservience he'd have to show? Unsure, but somewhat excited, he would make the call, Spiderbadger would retire, the world had changed, it had seen through Evil Dr Rons Happy Snacks, & forced him to come clean, show the world what he was inflicting on the populace, the rumour had even gone round, they would make him sell SALAD!!! Yes the country could live without him, it would adapt an survive, they would COPE.

But, should they ever need him, our hero would answer the call. Possibly on the second ring, or maybe, just maybe, if he was on the Khazee, he'd let the answer phone get it, an give them a ring back, after lunch, before the coffee. They could be sure of it................

Spiderbadger - The Birth of a Legend, almost.

In the years that preceded his birth into the tumultuous world of the Superhero, the mild (sometimes) conscientiously hard working (stop sniggering) regular bloke, for the purpose of this account we'll call him, Spurgeon Seawalker, the names have been changed to add creative spice.... honest, was much like any other useless wastrel with an alcohol fixation an near terminal sticky mattress syndrome. An under active thyroid gland, coupled with a non existent WORK ethic led to a life of quiet tedium. All this sadly, was to change. A chance meeting with a sultry, seductive, barking mad bar maid would knock our hero's non career path into a whole new direction.

Suddenly, he was catapulted into the murky, & very often manky world of the industrial Air Conditioning Engineer. His days would be spent chasing through deserted shoping centres bringing clean air to the masses, & forever on the trail of the elusive & shadowy figure that would haunt his days and spread disorder an mayhem to the fast food eating public. It was often a fruitless search with only empty cartons an a faint whiff of burnt cheese for our hero to follow, it became clear a new, dynamic, fearless Superhero was needed, to bring this devious miscreant to justice. It would take him to places he'd only ever dreamed about, and others like Luton, he'd really wished had been a disturbed nightmare, but go there he must, an do battle with the scourge of the modern world plus occasionally clean an maintain the ladies changing room air con unit in Dorothy Perkins. It would drive him to the very edge of despair..........